Soooo tired… I don’t know where this achiness is coming from. Having Monday off was lovely, but I got so very bored. I thought I’d do some sketching, but everything that came out was crap. Sigh. I don’t think I’d ever be able to become a full time artist ‘cuz I need something to rebel from, if that makes any sense.
I have all these ideas in my head, but trying to get them down on paper is the most tortuous experience, particularly when my skills have atrophied.
Well, it turns out I’m more in need of cripple soup than my dear friend W, because I’ve been sneezing and coughing and blowing my nose like nobody’s business for about 2 weeks. When I finally went to the doctor on Monday he diagnosed me with Whooping Cough. “Whooping Cough?!” I said, “I thought only kids got that.” W thinks I should get a second opinion. See another doctor, any other doctor. It’s probably only bronchitis, although usually when I get that I do a lot more coughing. Anyway, I’m on antibiotics. I don’t think I’ve *ever* been this congested in my life. Yuck!
Let’s see, what else can I wail about… Oh yes, entering payroll gives me the heebie jeebies!
Adapted from care2′s Grandma’s Healing Soup recipe.
1/2 small bag baby carrots, sliced
white part of leek, halved and sliced
1 medium potato, peeled and diced
1 medium onion, diced
5 chicken thighs, skin removed
olive oil
seasoned salt
curly leaf parsley, roughly chopped
-Saute vegetables in olive oil for about 5 minutes, add about 8 cups of water, bring to boil then simmer
-Season chicken thighs, pan fry in olive oil until slightly browned, separate meat from bones, add both to soup, bring to boil, simmer
-Add chopped parsley to soup, season to taste with salt and pepper
-Serve to cripple/invalid/convalescent in your acquaintance
My test is on the 17th. I’m presently a bit of a neurotic mess. I’ve been trying to keep a balance between reviewing my weak spots like government and lease accounting while making sure I cover the miscellany left over like statement of cash flows and accounting changes. Have been putting off reviewing pension accounting. Pension accounting is almost enough to give me a stomach ache. What a pest!
I keep saying to myself, its all going to be worth it when I pass the exam. All four parts. And then I get a knot in my stomach when I think that I’m going to fail this time too. 
Which makes me study some more.
I feel rather lonely sometimes. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I even miss my late maternal grandfather. I miss being able to relax when I get home for more than one or two hours. No matter. Its all going to be worth it.
One thing that’s helped me through is listening to my neo-classical/celtic/new age music channel on Pandora.com. I’m happy that it introduced me to this pretty song Memories by Within Temptation, which is funny because they’re a symphonic rock/goth metal band.
Well.. I’m sick with a cold AGAIN. Pray that it doesn’t last nearly as long the flu I had earlier through February, March, and half of April. God, that was awful. At first I thought it was allergies, cuz I kept sneezing yesterday but today I’m feeling rather achy and congested and I have a bit of a sore throat and cough. Grrr. I don’t even have the excuse of hanging around kindergarten classes like I did before. What’s up with that?
I think I’ve been coughing for two months now. Still kind of fatigued. I went back to the doctor and got more antibiotics but they don’t work. I hope I haven’t created some kind of super germ. Or maybe the problem is something else. Anyway, here’s what I’m going to do before I schedule another appointment:
- take vitamins A, B, and C
- drink lots of warm water; this entails boiling a lot of water then allowing it to cool
- avoid dairy because supposedly dairy begets mucus
- sleep with the humidifier on at night
- take lots of hot showers
- eat peppermint candy; peppermint is supposed to help suppress coughs
- drink lots of tea
- take a decongestant
- get plenty of rest
Hallelujah! I’m finally over the flu. I know, I know, I keep whining about it. This will stop soon, I promise. Its just that I’d never gotten the flu before and I ran into two complications: conjunctivitis, i.e. pink eye, and a nasty throat infection that made me cough A LOT. I couldn’t talk for 5 minutes without breaking into a coughing fit. But I’m much better now. 
Ack! I caught the flu. This is the first time I’ve had it. I suspect I caught it from the kindergarteners. I’m head-achy, tired, congested, mildly feverish, and my throat hurts. I keep coughing too which doesn’t help the sore throat. What’s weird is that I’ll feel hot and cold at the same time. From now on I’m getting the flu shot.
This is all very funny in a dark way. This morning my pee was fluorescent yellow after taking airborne in the wee hours of the morning and last night.
Most of the time, when my depression gets out of hand, I become extremely tongue tied. I stammer. I pause. I become extremely flustered and self conscious. It’s like part of my brain that’s in charge of speech goes partially numb and I end up sounding either stupid or awkward or both. This when I avoid large groups of people and the more obnoxious extroverts.
So enough is enough. I’m finally going to the pharmacy to fill my prescription.
When I got home Saturday afternoon I had a little meltdown. I’m not sure what I was upset about exactly other than feeling unhappy with myself in general and mildly self destructive. I was trying to find a new theme for the page and also a new picture, but I wasn’t happy with anything, so I took some rather drastic measures and deleted everything I possibly could. Besides, I was becoming a little too obsessed with it. The weird thing about depression is that it can make you very self-centered– not in a good way. You’re not thinking about how great you are. On the contrary, you’re thinking about how inadequate you feel and how you don’t like a lot of things about you. Well, at least that’s my experience. I think I read an article somewhere that supports my experience.
So, here I am. I feel awful about deleting all those comments that people took the time to write. 
I also have to re-invite everyone in the friends list.
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