complain, complain, complain

Jet lag is a bitch. I’m tired, cranky, sleepy, slightly nauseous, and I’ve got a headache from going to work in the morning when I really just want to sleep. Right now my brain feels like its melting. Can’t seem to hold a conversation. I was going to write about the books I read in November, but that would require more focus than I have right now. Argh!

Also, my roommates are being loud sexaholics. I can hear them through the adjoining wall. Mostly, its the woman moaning. I don’t have a problem with them having sex, I just don’t care to hear them going at it. Too much information! Its not like we live in separate apartments. Blegh.

drowning

I’m drowning in accounting, what with bookkeeping by day and studying for FAR by night.

On the bright side, the New York Times published an article about the food scene in Taipei (Feasting at the Table of Taipei). Yay!!

may books

Hurray! No more school, no more internship.

Bridget Jones’s Diary, Helen Fielding- v.g.

Solstice Wood, Patricia McKillip- I was in the mood for urban fantasy and it really hit the spot. It feels very American and young adultish.

Dragonhaven, Robin McKinley- It reads more like a blog than a novel. There wasn’t very much in the way of conversation, but there was A LOT about what it’s like to be mother to a baby dragon, and how much pain and suffering is involved, but also how good it is to watch something grow up and develop a personality. There’s also a really interesting theme about the differences between human language and dragon telepathy via emotions and images.

The Name of the Rose, Umberto Eco- Really good writing. Monks. Medieval philosophy. Political games. Mystery. Murder. History.  This book makes my head hurt (in a good way).

visual block

I started working on a wood burning weeks ago but haven’t finished it yet because I’m terrified of ruining it. This is a rather bad habit of mine to leave drawings half finished. I have little tiny germs of ideas of what I want to do with the other sides, and lightly coloring the wood with paint, but its oh so seductive to leave it up to the imagination. This is where I start to understand the appeal of abstract art. Its like a visual representation of your subconscious all vague and glimmery. Its very visceral.

Anyway, I’m going to try to start a portfolio. I’ve got this idea to come up with illustrations to go along with the story of Allerleirauh, which is the German variant of a fairy tale I read as a child called Donkeyskin.

airhead

It seems I’m forever thinking back to what I said and thinking, “cheeeez, what a stupid thing to say!” I almost blush for myself and feel a little agony. If not that, I try to say something smart, and I get the impression the other person’s not particularly impressed. Sigh.

mumblings

Being sick with the flu is no joke. Personally, I thought the worst part was not really being able to do anything. I couldn’t read or watch tv because my eyes were dry and irritated from my fever. I guess I could have listened to music but I wasn’t in the mood. In the middle of a high fever of 104 degrees, I deliriously wondered if God was punishing me for something I did, although I’m not usually a religious person. I have to credit my recovery to my friend DCMerlin who took care of me while I was sick. He even cured my eyes of some really nasty mucus that glued my eyes shut in the mornings for two days.

All this sickness made me rather wistful. I started doubting whether teaching was really the right track for me. I also started wishing I weren’t so fearful most of the time. I wanted to stop caring so much about what other people thought, even strangers. I started wondering what I should do with the rest of my life, and how and when I’d accomplish my dream of becoming a professional artist. I started to feel a little panicky.

I’m doing much better now. I’m still unsure whether teaching is the right career for me, but I think I’ll know better after the end of the semester when my internship ends. Meanwhile, I’m going to try to teach kindergarteners to make an origami cat face on Friday. We’ll see how that goes.

football madness

Obsession with football (American football) is something that I will never understand about American culture. I don’t understand why they get so wrapped up and excited about this overdrawn, over-hyped, commercialized game that they will spend hours and hours discussing at length at home, at the bar, and at work, to the dismay of all those around them. I can’t stand water-cooler sports talk. You can hardly have a peaceful weekend afternoon during football season. Your roommates are whooping and yelling and just generally making asses of themselves. All over a stupid game.

So, I’m fleeing the house ahead of my roommate’s stupid football party.

FFX withdrawal

I’m not sure how, but I spent an entire long weekend without playing Final Fantasy X. I suppose this is a good thing. Backtrack: I bought FFX from Amazon with a gift certificate, and play it on my roommate’s PS2 with the big flat screen tv. When I first quit my job at Goodman, I once spent 8 hours straight playing this game. It was like a full day at work. I didn’t have much for lunch, just some reheated leftovers. It was sooo fun. I love FFX. The characters, the storyline, and the visuals are innovative and classic at the same time. I’ve developed a bit of a girl-crush on Yuna. I’ve played so much FFX, that I’ve started to think, whenever someone or something is dying, that we need to get Yuna in there to perform a sending. I’m only mildly obsessed.

Yuna’s Sending Dance at Kilika

I’m SUCH a dork.

Now what

I set up this blog about a month ago, but haven’t posted anything. I meant to a couple times, but couldn’t find anything worth writing about that I think anyone would want to read.

My favorite word just might be “but.”

I’m going to write this for myself, to help clear those fuzzy thoughts in my head, and practice writing.

Confusion

I am the goddess of confusion and frustration.

I am half in love with not one, but two men, neither of whom I could have a future with. Argh!

I’m most probably afraid of rejection. After all, there’s no risk of rejection if it’s doomed from the start.

I’m starting to think it would be a good thing if I had a boyfriend.

Even though I feel terribly lonely sometimes, I’m learning that loneliness is part and parcel of being human.